Murphy

Murphy's Law of Music

Rehearsals

•Principle of Diminishing Concentration
•Players late for rehearsal are always those who sit in the center of the band.

•Missing Mute Principle
•At least one mute will vanish from the brass section at any rehearsal.

•Extended Rest Theorem
•The longer the rests, the less likely a section will enter after them.

•The "There's Another Hole in the Dam" Principle
•Fix one spot in the music and another spot falls apart.

•Premature Deafness Ratio
•A conductor's hearing loss is directly proportional to how many percussionists are started each year.

•Reely's Adaptation of Rap's Law of Inanimate Reproduction
•If you take a music stand down and put it up enough times, eventually you will have two of them.

•Murphy's Music Stand Principle
•The music stand you get will wobble.

•Communication Principle
•When a conductor gives students letters for parents, 15% will be left on music stands, 25% will be inside the music, 15% will rot in instrument cases, 15% will be left in lockers, 15% will crawl under the student's bed, and 15% of the parents will receive the letter.

•Blind Lead the Blind Principle
•Band members playing correctly will always follow the players who are playing incorrectly.

•Say It Again Sam Law
•Even if everything is explained perfectly, there will still be a question.
•Corollary
•You will have just answered the question one minute before it was asked.

•Lost and Found Principle of Music Folders
    •At least one music folder will be left on a music stand after each rehearsal.
•Corollaries
    •1. It will usually be the same player.
    •2. If it is not the same player, there will be no name in the folder.

•Alternate Amnesia Axiom
•Any alternate fingerings taught will be promptly forgotten.

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Performances

•The Lowest Common Denominator Principle
•After a concert, parents rave about the pop selection played and say nothing about the test piece.

•Stidman's Law of Doors
•The largest of the timpani is always four inches wider than the door to the auditorium.

•The Punctuality Paradox
•Give a strongly worded lecture about punctuality and you will be late to the next performance.

•Hatch's Law of Clarinet Squeaks
•Clarinet squeaks always occur in the most exposed sections of the music.

•Two Principles of Cymbal Cueing
•1. Cue the cymbal player or he will not enter.
•2. Cue the cymbal player and he still will not enter.

•Murphy's Law of Clapping
•If the audience can clap at the wrong time, they will.

•McMurray's Program Principle
•At least one name will be left off the concert program.
•McMurray's Second Program Principle
•If there are two ways to spell a name, the wrong one will be selected.

•Concert Pronunciation Principle
•If a name can be mispronounced as the program is being introduced, it will.

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Marching Band

•Fillmore's March Law
•If a march can be rushed, it will.
•Corollary
•A march rushes in proportion to a band's inability to play it quickly.

•Left-Right Principle
•At least one person is out of step in any one march.
•Corollary
•It is usually the same person.

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Road Trips

•Bogan's Law of Bus Trips
•Bus breakdowns always occur on the longest trips.

•Traveling Amnesia Principle
•Forgetful students always forget something.

•RT + 1 Principle
•The scheduled return time of any trip will be one hour earlier than the actual return.
•Corollary
•This happens even when you pad the return time with an extra hour.

•RT + 3 Principle
•You will have to wait at least another two hours for the last parent to pick up a child.

•Percussion Will Travel Principle
•On every band trip one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the school.

•Percussion Won't Travel Principle
•On every band trip one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the performance site.

•Diminishing Quality Rule to the Percussion Won't Travel Principle
•At any festival one piece of percussion equipment will be switched with that of another school.
•Corollary
•The one you take back will be of lower quality.

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Percussion

•The Uncertainty Principle
•The location of all auxiliary percussion instruments cannot be known simultaneously.
•Corollary
•If a lost percussion item is found, another will disappear.

•Law of Lost Drumsticks
    •Percussionists will lose sticks.
•Corollaries
    •1. Percussionists always claim the sticks were stolen.
    •2. The lost sticks will be found the day after new ones are bought.

•Trotter's Law of Percussion Music
    •Percussionists will consistently lose their music as a concert approaches.
•Corollary
    •All parts will be lost at least once, and percussionists will not admit to losing any music until they are caught faking the parts.

•The Uncertainty Principle
    •The location of all auxiliary percussion instruments cannot be known simultaneously.
•Corollary
    •If a lost percussion item is found, another will disappear.

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Repairs

•Murphy's Law on Instruments
•An instrument always breaks at the worst possible time.
•Corollary
•The instrument will belong to a first chair player.

•Baldwin's Law
•Instruments are easier to break than to fix.

•Wyszkowski's Law
•Anything will work if you fiddle with it long enough.

•Principles of Instrument Repair
•1. The screwdriver of the correct size will be missing when it is needed to tighten a woodwind key.
•2. When replacing a woodwind pad, all available pads will be the wrong size.
•3. When a pad is accidentally dropped it will roll to the least accessible part of the band room.

•Law of Diminishing Repairs
•After restoring one key on a woodwind instrument, three others will malfunction.

•Mouthpiece Inertia Principle
•Brass mouthpieces are easier to jam than to dislodge.

•Halbrook's Axiom
•A stuck key will work perfectly when the repairman tries it.

•Law of Selective Operation
    •Brass valves will stick on contest days.
•Corollaries
    •1. They will not stick when the conductor tries them
    •2. They will stick again when the student resumes playing.

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